ew one thing dat irritates me is watchin jeanette aw and felicia chin act cute. the other is lookin at sharon au with the str doll fringe and hv the yucky expression on her face. it’s not dat i hate them, actulli i think they are quite good actualli but eww cant stand this kinda stuff.
the other thing is i think i canot watch this kinda show. will juz cry when i see the ppl cry. all the kids hvin to go thru so much problems. y lydat? they’re so young, and family no money for medication, so jiak lat. y muz there be pain and suffering? smtime i think, if onli i had a lot of money, den i can upgrade ah ma to a betta ward with better service. smtimes science and med is full of shit. smtimes the doctors and nurses in reality are juz so diff from those on tv shows like Healing Hands. too much shit for them to deal with dat they dun reallie care for the patient. dreamt of ah ma again the nite b4. nothin much realie, juz jumbled scenes, i was prolly juz tired. but still, aft every dream and i wake up, it upsets me. everytime i’m out on the streets n i see old men and women, i juz think of my grandparents. when i see kids with their grandparents, i hv this overwhelmin urge to grab the kids by their shoulders, shake them reallie hard and tell them that they shld treasure their grandparents coz they wun be around for long.
aft ah ma’s death, i feel differently abt things. it does seem as tho i’m betraying my orginal feelins and thoughts and her, but smtimes i feel that i doesn’t reallie matter anymore. everyone will grow old and die one day, so why be so stubborn? i wun outright agree and encourage, but i wld not bother with the decision. at most, juz attempt to support myself and move out or smthing. everything juz fades away, y bother? juz treasure everything and anything. but nowadays, when i go out, i dun feel like tkin pics animore. juz dun hv the feelin. no mood to feel happy or celebrate or keep a hard copy of the event coz some1 is missin from the pic. feels diff. luckily still hv some pics left over.
“Where there’s life, there’s hope, where there’s hope, there’s brightness”