haha juz wanted to scare u Evie!!
He offered to pick me up in his car for dinner.
alrite, it sounded pretty cool to me. i mean, er no guy i knoe drives a car and would wanna come pick me up like i was a special date or smthing. erm not dat i wanted to be his date eww. but still, the next feelin i got was paranoia. even tho i’m not Sexy, Desirable and just abt as Unique as the next snow/corn flake (unlike wat the Govt thinks), date rape can still happen to anyone.
oh wells watever. aniweas i din agree and dat was juz one of the many conversations we had which alwayz ended in a stalemate (?). to cut a long story short, our frenship is over. over a very simple qn dat i couldnt’ ans. haha no not some will u be my gf/will u marry me qn. some qn dat i din knoe how to ans, talk abt being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. yea so now i’m wondering, wat now? think i shld juz dump his stuff into a box and mail it to him. except it seemed kinda callous to juz do dat without puttin in a note. but wat can i say in dat note? i dunno wat to say to mk things betta, and i shld nv hv approached him for the charity thingy. damn.
well i guess apologies are all abt mkin the person who’s giving the apology feel better/feel less guilty. becoz dat’s exactly how i feel. like, i feel like writing a note/letter to apologise simply becoz i feel guilty dat the frenship has to end in this way. even if i dun treat him like one.
yar but aniewas i still hv to mail him the stuff. shld i put in a note? say wat? say i consider u as a fren but i juz dun want to see u? how how how? why din he juz get the hint and back off initially den mebbe one day i would be ready to talk to him again? why cant he be like J, den mebbe things wun turn out this way? mebbe it’s just me lah. but reallie, what’s so great abt me? how can u still like me aft so long? wat’s there to like? haha in case u din realise, i’m tryin to fish for compliments here at the same time.
aniweas, a random thought juz occurred to me. like wat ivan said, IF. the big word. but well, we’ll nv win playin the game of what-ifs. but still, what if i had agreed and it had worked out? to either one? i would be halfway to tai-tai dom by now!! haha one who already has a car, and one whose parents hv offered to buy him a car come Nov when he can convert his license and whose pa has contacts. and oops, this just in. another (rich) guy i’m talkin to online now wants to meet me durin the summer hols. and all 3 guys stay in like, ‘eat wind’ houses, with one in District 9?! gee but he normally doesn’t ask me out durin the past hols when he comes back to SG. why this time? damn and i juz dunno how to say no. how do u say u wun want to meet him? u cant juz say outright lydat, but by not doin so and beating around the bush, it’s so cowardly n..the bloody bullet’s bound to hit u in the end. mebbe i shld juz put him on my invisible list? argh but i can’t avoid him dat long, and he’ll be in SG for at least 2 mths, in his words “surely i can’t be dat busy within this 2 mths”. and besides he’s a good nice fren and i dun want to be mean.
haha just like Zhengting in the 7pm show, money can be quite useful in this world. and can u imagine? i dun hv to work! haha everyday go shoppin at Paragon and buy a real Ferragamo wallet! everyday can go eat at Din Tai Fung and hv high-tea at Goodwood Park! haha but if the feelings aren’t there, wat’s the point of hvin money? still, i like hearin him say my name coz he doesn’t do it very often, and i appreciate his concern for me.