Author Archives: eRiaM

sux like crap

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it sux like crap when you’re feeling as though you just got run over by a huge truck, yet various people are just coming to you with various different issues to deal with and you just gotta listen and help. because you can’t don’t want to say anything to anyone. sux like crap to have to smile and pretend everything it’s ok.

but everything is ok now. for now.

i’m still in a state of inertia. can’t get myself to start studying. doing work is ok – i need to do assignments anyway. but trying to get myself to get started on the mountain of readings is like trying to move the mountain. impossible!! how how how!!! week 3 already and i still don’t feel like studying!!! wanna go back to work, cos after i throw myself into work and work like a dog the whole day, i can come home and stone. on weeknights, there’s tv!! and weekends i can still stone. no homework, no readings. i can read whatever i want to instead of a pile load of crap about what some supposed expert says about some crap topic. oh shit, i need HELP!!

fuck off

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it’s too early for me to be PMS-ing but i just bloody am. lately, many various things have been pissing me off. i’m not gonna list them here cos it’s just too many and too open. and i think it’s just me, so it’s not fair for me to bite other people’s head off either.

which is like the scary thing. cos it’s just me. sure, i can attribute it to PMS. but it’s too darn early for it. previously, i could attribute it to fatigue. yea cos after work, especially if i work late, i’m just so tired i hate it when things don’t go my way and i would get all pissy. but i’m not working now. and it’s not the time to PMS. so what the hell is wrong with me?

at times like this, i just wish everyone can fuck the hell off. like drop dead and die all something and leave me alone. but i should be careful what i wish for.

Mommy, it’s over!!

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ooohhh 1 more day!!! yayness!!! :tongue1

let’s see now. Mon was cool – started off well with a free breakfast again! 🙂 then lunch was with hy, haven’t met up for sooo long! NB: I’m so sick of Jap food. 2 days in a row. Tues.. was quiet but busy. my snr told the mgr last wk that i was leaving this wk, so suddenly all the files with him got reviewed darn fast and came back to me. darn scary. one whole pile of them. but nvm, the cute AM hunk opened the door for me – even tho i was a million miles away from the door! haha!! :heart1

Wed was still busy, but i had free lunch!! woo hoo. NB2: i’m so sick of Thai food!! had a meeting with HR on Wed aftnn too. finally met the other interns in the same building. It was a fun session; i’ve never been to one of these before, not even at my previous internship. I appreciated that the HR was so attentive and enthusiastic about meeting us. Spent like 1.5 hrs on the meeting, so didn’t finish one of my files – the same one which i spent 5 hrs on previously. Rushed off to collect my new campus card!! ok lah, pretty much the same as the old, with that ugly alien face of mine. dunno how come they didn’t let us take new photo. irritating. Had a hard time trying to change my PIN, until jason had to do it for me. went out for dinner with YT. NB3: i’m sick of crepes at Raffles City.

Today started out shitty cos i saw one more file on my table even tho i still have a lot left to clear. den it was made worse when i quarrelled with CS. still think that she was in the wrong. even tho we’re cool now, i’m still slightly irritating/pissed. mebbe aft i slp it off it would be ok? Today’s lunch was free again – a treat from Jason’s snrs. they’re so nice. and they even got me a little book of quotations. so unexpected. how come they’re so nice to me? like i feel like i don’t deserve it. i forgot to say thanks for lunch! tsk tsk. must do it tmrw if AN is around. ooh had nice chats with SH today. :heart1:blush1

omg look at the number of NBs in this entry abt how sick I am of the food. gosh have i been eating so much? or is there nothing else to eat anymore? THink i’ve been eating out too much lah, and whenever i go out, i eat pretty much the same food. i miss hawker food!! haha! i’m actually craving for mutton chop and roti prata.

must go and explore the new campus before school starts. somehow, i’m really terrified that i’ll get lost.

stayed late today to clear my stuff. will be claiming OT for this whole week..except that i realised that i should have claimed OT earlier!! darn wasted!! cos like the max you can claim in the day is prolly like what, 6 hours or so? If I multiply that by 4, it’s 24 hours of OT. cumulatively, have i worked 24 hrs of OT so far? it feels like it was more than 24 hrs!! means i lugi leh!! how lydat?! sux man. i mean ok lah, i do internship not for the money but for the experience. but if i can claim, why not rite?! not like the firm is not making money or is a small firm. and i’ve gone the extra mile as an intern liaoz leh. of course must claim as much as i can!! but i think canot liaoz leh. shitamama. if i had known, i shld have claimed more last week. growls. hai. :rant:

oh wells, nvm. lotsa stuff to clear up tomorrow b4 i leave!! it’s almost over!! :megaman:

Mood Analysis Test

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http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/index.cfm

You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realization of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that ‘True love is just around the corner’ and – if you haven’t found it as yet – you possibly soon will.

You don’t feel as if you can go it on your own anymore. You don’t want to be taken for granted. You need to be recognized as a ‘caring person’ and it could be that you are searching to establish a relationship, not necessarily with someone new, but with that someone special who could feel the same way as you do.

Enough is enough – but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit – you bounce back time and time again – you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that ‘belief’ system that in the end, everything will turn out OK – and you are right -it will!

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven’t been taking care of all your physical needs and it’s beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate – someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different – to be individualistic – to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow – to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalize but you need to realize a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire.

uncharacterized

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i wonder if any1 can read this, and whether it is on the new template. BH helped me change me template – thanks a bunch!! :buck1 it was supposed to auto redirect itself but it doesn’t seem to be working?

anyway i’m feelin happy today. don’t ask me why. it’s prolly just PMS-ing again. i swear it’s starting to be perpetual for me. like before my period came i was horribly mad at my sibs. then after it came i was horribly depressed and upset. and today i’m happy. it’s just my mood swings. gosh i really wonder what would happen if i one day became pregnant. what if i get post-natal depression!? :shake:

haha anyway the week went pretty well. maybe cos i knew it was gonna be my second last week haha! or maybe cos i had cleared most of my stuff. let’s see now, i met up with YY after like a million years. it was fun but tiring; i was pretty tired the whole of this week. then there was a night of endless talking on the phone – gosh i just love talking! was rushing the NOR deadline on Fri aso, and aso cos my boss was clearing all her stuff b4 she goes on leave nxt week, so that means i gotta rush all her stuff aso. then oh yeah i had free breakfast again from jason. i think it’s starting to be a weekly ritual. last week was mac, this week was toast. it was yummy though! i didn’t had breakfast before i went to work, so it was a great treat! but super unhealthy man – it was toast with LOADS of butter just oozing out and kaya and sugar. *yum* i so wanna eat it again. told mum and she was craving for it too! haha :yum1

went to pick up 1 guitars and a keyboard for MFG. yes i really do love all my sponsors cos they’re just sooo nice. but campaigning (?) isn’t over yet. we still don’t have enough guitars, i think we need about 2 more so i’m gonna have to call up more people. shucks i know i shouldn’t be saying this, ok maybe i shouldn’t say it here. :zip1

anyway, been thinking quite a bit lately. about a lot of things. pat and evie broke up, so i think they’re both pretty upset. and i don’t know what to do except to just listen. it’s hard when you know the both of them, though of course i would lean towards evie’s side since i knew her longer.

and, okay this is not related to anyone of you reading this ok because noone will know who i’m talking about. but how can anyone love more than one person at a time?

and i absolutely hate bitches who go after another guy who is attached. please, if i do this next time, please do me and the whole world a favour by clobbering me over the head or something. i know sometimes it’s hard, especially when you really feel very strongly about the other person. and it does take 2 to clap. so the guy who is attached is also an asshole. i can really feel the pain of the gal who found out that her boyfriend cheated on her. and i’m really very scared that i will end up with such a loser boyfriend next time. Mei insist that i will prolly be the one who cheats, but i highly doubt it lah. it’s just not me. i would love too deeply. yeah but i can feel it all too deeply – the betrayal and pain of finding out that your bf cheated on you. god how can anyone do that? why can’t you just break up before you go out with another one? and how can you jump so easily from one to another?

yea oh well..i had my heart broken later in the week as well. my gorgeous friend has found a gf! haha and another 2 of my friends have gotten together as well. can’t wait to see them when school starts. it’s funny though how you can see people around you falling in and out of love. and it just happens so easily.

oh well. that’s just the tip of the ice berg of what bothers me. i slept so much today! it was so darn shiok cos it was raining. the past few weeks, it reallie sucked like mad. like when you wake up for work and realise that it’s raining cats and dogs but you absolutely just have to get out of bed and go to work for the whole darn day. gross.

anyway, looking forward to next week! to the end of work!! haha it’s strange though, that when i tell people i’m looking forward to it, they either say “I thought you liked your work?” (this from my close friends) or “You looking forward to school?” (this from the people i’m not really close to.) yeah i do love my work. i like what i’m doing and up till now, i’m still learning. there’s just so much to see and learn. but i’m drained. yea i know, young people nowadays just cannot make it. tired so easily. i just want a holiday. i don’t really look forward to school. i mean, who does? another semester of mugging. i’m tired of studying, of trying to work so hard and yet getting nothing in the end. well yea i know you have to work hard all the way to get the grades in the end, but it’s just so tiring to have to keep it up, to have to fight with other people, to have to do so darn well to get those bloody grades. it sux. i’m just tired of mugging and not getting any results in the end. like last semester. tired of it all. i’m going to bed. nitez!

it’s coming

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gosh im so tired! i guess it’s a weekly thing for me. like start of the wk (Mon) is reallie bad cos u’re juz comin back from the wkend. then it gets betta. den towards the end of the work productivity drops again as u’ve expended all ur energy. haha mebbe im juz a lazy pig lah.

it’s a normal thing to stay late liaoz; even tho i’m an intern, i’m almost a part of the furniture and fittings in my office haha! like yesterday i left earli and jason was like “u’re leavin now?” machiam like so shocked cos i hvnt left earli for quite sm time.

ya talkin abt jason, he bought me breakfast yesterday w/o askin or anythn. juz buy and plonked it down on my table when he came. i offered to pay him back but he refused the money. and he had to spoil all the fuzzy feelin by sayin “actually i bought mine first. then i thought if i bought for myself and nv buy for you, u will nag nag nag again. so i went back to buy.” diaoz. he calls me an irritant and says i nag alot. bleah. the last time i whined to him abt breakfast, he went and bought breakfast for me the very nxt day i think. haha

anw gosh 2 wks left to the end of my internship. realie hard to believe that time has juz flown by. it was juz the end of April when i joined. when every1 else exams all still in progress, i’ve finished mine and started work. sux. reallie nt much of a break at all too. think i will miss the work wahahah! but i reallie feel unsatisfied/incomplete. i reallie wanna finish this program b4 i go, or i feel incomplete. haha normally i wld start smthn and nt finish it. but dunno why this time i feel the drive to wanna complete it. i guess cos i’ve been forced to be with it almost from the start, so there’s the attachment there. when i was handed the program, there was absolutely no info to start with. and it wasn’t moving at all. (IMHO the previous person was kinda lazy but that’s juz my own feelin). anw so yes from nothin, i helped to source and chase until smthin came out. until i can generate the whole comp and the whole package. so i realie wanna
finish the whole program b4 i go. at least send it out to the client. but it doesnt look like i can do dat, cos it’s still in the reviewing process. sigh. i feel very territorial and possessive abt this program haha! i dun wanna hand it over the the new associate to mk amendments! i wanna do everythin and tk it all the way thrU! she can juz do the submission! growls.

yea i feel unfinished aso cos i knoe my immed sup has a lot of o/s cases. and i dun seem to be helping her as much as i think i shld. reallie in half a mind to extend to the 12th or even the wk aft or smthn, juz to finish as much as possible. worst case scenario: end of Aug cos that’s the very last deadline we’ve got. i was reallie thinkin dat mebbe i can go in on my free days or smthn when sch starts juz to clear things up. haha. im mad yea. nt as mad as chinz tho but mad enuf.

oki i reallie need to slp. things to do tmrw: 2 submissions. finish up the horrible stock options case, i.e. do the disgustin cvr ltr. i alrdy knoe i’m gonna hv to spend a super long time on the para abt the stock options. argh. den i hv 2 other new tax comps to start on. shite. actualli it’s 3. oh f***. ok so i muz finish up the stock options case. den do the clearance case. den the other one. leave the last for nxt wk. and another o/s info one for nxt wk. okie nw i gotta go find a piece of paper to write this on. nitez!

*growls*

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i was sooo horribly drained at work today. i spent like almost 5 hrs on the same client, juz doin tax comps! cos i had to generate his YA 04 and YA 05 tax comps. the associate alrdy keyed in for me yesterday, but luckily i double checked again, cos there were some errors. den i myself made mistks too! forgot to use the average exchange rate for the YA 04 return, so generate again. den dunno wat else i 4got to put in, so generate a 2nd time. and the 3rd time, i 4got that it’s a TOT and nt a rollover reimbursemt basis. cos for this program, it’s mostly partial TOT or rollover. but this guy is whole TOT. grrr. den YA 05 4got to put in my sch fees and the TOT as well.

the transmittal ltr gave me a HUGE headache! i was tryin to figure out whether he’s R or NR. by right, YA 04 shld be NR cos of his physical presence. but his notes seem to suggest that he wld be here for 3 YAs, which wld mk his YA 04 a R instead. but if i mk him a R for YA04, den his NOR wld start in YA 04 as well. as opposed to mkin him NR for YA04, and R for YA05 and NOR can start in YA05 so he wld hv an extra yr of NOR. i was thinkin so darn hard. tryin to interpret things and think things thru. i din wanna keep buggin my snr, machiam like nv think/nv use brains/so stupid. so i wanted to mk sure dat i thought it thru b4 i ask her, so dat at least i can explain my thought process to her and she wld knoe that i made the effort to think abt it.

in the end, she told me to give him a choice. so means i had to phrase my tl properly to incl both YA 04 and 05 tax positions as well as the R/NR and NOR stuff. omg. i’ve NEVER spent so long on one client b4. NEVER. i was so drained and tired aft that.

and u knoe wat’s the f–king best thing? I FORGOT TO MENTION IN THE TL THAT I ESTIMATED HIS F/F!!! like ohmybloodygosh. i onli remembered juz now! when i got home! when i was showering!! ya see i even think abt work aft office hrs. so that means i gotta go to work tmrw and edit the tl!!! grrrr waste time again. shitamama. i hope my snr hasnt reviewed the file yet. oh gosh. this is like so standard, hw could i hv forgotten?! curses.

anw, i duno the new associate studied wat, but she’s from the same uni as I. but erm, i guess it’s partly my fault. i nv explain properly to her. even if she studied tax b4, real life scenario is reallie different from textbks. so mebbe i nv go thru slowly with her properly. i guess i was too nervous. so she kinda missed out keying in sm figures, luckily i checked!! and her estimated F/F was also wrong. this is my fault aso, cos i shld hv written it down properly for her instead of throwin the whole thing at her. i rem at the start, my snrs aso wrote down for me. so i shld hv written for her. and luckily i check, cos then i realised dat i mk mistakes too! actualli i think it kinda wastes time? like i give her key, i still gotta chck, and muz chck slowly. got mistks muz amend. but if i key myself, i wld be more familiar with the data, mebbe will mk less mistks? and smhw, i hv onli myself to blame if i mk mistks. ya but can’t blame her lah. so i onli pointed out more impt stuff to her rather den her careless mistk, cos i feel bad. like harlow, i mk so many darn careless mistks too! nt fair for me to bring it up to her when other ppl hv to bring mine up to me!

yea oh well *crosses fingers* hope no more new shitty stuff come in. dunno hw come today my immed sup gave me quite little stuff. i reallie hv this feelin dat she give me little stuff bcos of 2 reasons. firstly, i suck. like i mention above, easier for her to do and chck herself rather den give me do and she chck cos waste more time. secondly, i think she knoes i’m kinda bogged down as well. but i feel bad cos i’m not reallie helping her enuf. ok if tmrw i clear this program, den i can ask her for sm more work again. i dare not go and ask her skali when i ask her i suddenly busy again, so betta nt first. wait until i completely clear the shit off my desk first. tmrw got shitty tax comp. it’s all abit here abit there, cos still got o/s info, but my snr say dun waste time, juz do as much as possible. so when the o/s info come in, at least can juz input the extra info. i got shitty stock options to figure out. i HATE stock options!! i hv to convert the exchange rate, figure out the gains, and input the info into an additional form. and u can’t juz lump all the gains together! u gotta key in individual optioN gaiNs! growls.

i hate 8S. but aft this, i dunno wat i hate more. 8S or Appendix 8B. :psycho1

hush now baby don’t you cry

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eh hw this is VERY BAD leh!! i hv a VERY BIG PIMPLE on my nose!! and it’s been there for a million yrs!!

so many ppl hv mentioned it to me! and today damon asked hw come it’s nt gg away. he said he’s seen me 3 times over quite a long period, and it’s been there for all 3 times. and today my mgr asked me “ni hao mah? how’s my work, can i cope with it? ni shi bu shi hen stress, zuo dao shen pimple chu lai?” wah best lah! so i asked her whether company got sponsor pimple cream anot haha.

got another talk from jason again today. hai actualli he does mk sense but we hv different pt of view lah. nvm i did smthn bad today. well nt dat it’s bad since my snr authorise me to do it.

i stayed late again last nite to finish sm stuff. cos there was a a long meeting cum bday celebration in the aftnn, so dat wasted abt 2 hrs. and a lot of la la za za things kept coming up so i din finish wat i set out to finish in the morn. anw my snr told me dat i can pass sm data entry stuff to the new associates, ie the new perm staff, ppl who juz joined the firm but are considered higher ranked den me. cos im onli an ASSISTANT associate, but they’re associates alrdy. but my snr say i can pass sm to them, esp if it’s juz keying in of info, den i wun be so bogged down. so today i pass lor!! haha i pass one file over. felt quite bad tho..and paiseh..when i left the associate was still ard leh!! alamak..machiam like i slack lydat..but reallie got stuff to do lah..and if i can clear this prog quickly, den i can help my immed sup more. i’m hired to help her but i feel dat i assist others more den i assist her. growls. but her work aso very funny lor. smtimes alot come in at one shot. smtimes relalie got nothin to do. even now still lydat. grrrr.

seems like there wun be an extension of dateline. 31 jul is the max. and since i’m gonna be leavin wk aft dat, it’s best if i can finish all b4 i leave, den wun be so difficult to pass over. so yea, still rushin stuff.

one last thing b4 i leave – moral of the day : don’t fight if u’re obviously in the wrong. if u knoe dat the accusations thrown at u is the truth, dun bother gg to court and pai seh urself even more!! :eek1

Hunks Galore!!

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haha wah i nv knew mediacorp had so many guys with such good lookin bodies. well okie mebbe there’re only 5 but still. i nv knew zheng geping at such an old age can hv such a good body. haha why they nv call vincent ng??!! wonder wat sort of punishing regime they had to go to to achieve that bod? protein shakes and long daily hrs in the gym? but sorrie lah abs nt defined enuf!

haha are the eggs real? mebbe it’s juz fake plastic eggs lah. who sponsored the eggs har? haha! ooohhh jeff riding on ix’s back. so suggestive haha. okie so mebbe i’m juz horny haha. i rem amanda likes adam best, but i prefer jeff. haha they are the 2 shortest guys! reallie the amt of eggs dat they break..feel so wasted.

ok great my least fav actress on screen now. but the dance item is really cool.

oh yar the biggest thing this wk was the IOC being in town. like in SG. and London winning the bid to host the 2012 Olympics and den promptly got itself bombed the nxt day. seriously, what are these terrorists tryin to achieve? if London didn’t win and Paris, the nxt closest contender had won, would there be bombs in Paris the nxt day?

anw, cool stuff abt hvin the meetin in SG is seeing Alex Popov. well nt dat i saw him in person but juz readin and seein pics is gd enuf. haha he’s still so good lookin! well he used to look reallie great when he was younger but now still looks gd lah. to hell with Becks and co.

“How do you know when you’re in love?
When you look into his eyes, and you’re more alive than you’ve ever felt. When the very breadth you take sends both fear and joy rushing through you, and you feel as if you might die if you can’t see him again – right now. When you want to shout and laugh and cry and curse all at once, when you burn for him to touch you, to make love to you, even though all your life you’ve been told that you mustn’t, that you shouldn’t, that you can’t. It’s when you feel yourself on the verge of becoming everything you’ve ever dreamed of being, when you can nearly touch your own potential because this other person gives you all of his strength and his power and you know he’d give you the very breath from his lungs if you asked. And you realize that you’ll never be alone again because there’s a piece of thim that you’ll carry with you, forever, in your heart. A heart that is infinitely bigger than it was just a week or two ago.”

Gray cotton candy

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i thought of going out, but the heavy rain and late lunch made me feel lazy. so i thought of curling up in bed with one of my library books. it’s due nxt Sun so i might as well finish reading it. i came across this passage, written in the diary of one of the characters in the book.

“Melinda endured months of chemo, but now it seems that those months were for nothing. Her disease has returned, and this time her doctors don’t act enthusiastic about her recovery. I’m smarter now. Before, I accepted all they said with a child’s innocence. Now I know that medicine does not have all the answers. I know that doctors are not gods and that victims aren’t just statistics.

Her doctors don’t always look me in the eye when we talk. I think it’s because they’ve thrown everything they have in their arsenal of drugs and potions at Melinda, and they’ve come to discover that her cancer is still stronger than their chemical weapons.

Lenny and I feel helpless. We watch her go through the same courses of drugs again. They didn’t work before. Why should they work now?”

i don’t know what i want to say abt this, but it just touches me somehow, like i kinda identify with it, but yet not totally either.